The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. In this heartfelt episode, grief counselor Jennifer Ward from Hospice of the Chesapeake joins host Rachel Jordan to discuss how grief manifests during the holidays and share strategies for coping with the pain of loss during this emotionally charged time. From honoring traditions to seeking professional support, Jennifer offers valuable advice to help listeners navigate their grief and find comfort.
Introduction
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
Welcome to our podcast. Today we’re discussing a challenging topic grief during the holidays. And we know this can be very difficult, for, caregivers and family members who have lost a loved one. Joining us is the lovely Jennifer Ward. She’s a grief counselor at Hospice of the Chesapeake with extensive experience helping people through difficult times. Thank you for being here.
Jennifer Ward:
Thank you for having me, Rachel.
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
Tell me a little bit more about yourself. Tell our listeners, and then we’ll jump right into it.
Jennifer Ward:
Sure. I am a licensed master social worker, and I am a certified grief professional. I specialize in helping people through grief and loss. Currently, I’m a grief counselor with Hospice of the Chesapeake. And my job is really to walk people through their grief journey. Any losses? I run a support group on, loss of partner, loss of, parent, loss of, son in law. So that’s what I do. And I’m really passionate about working with people through their grief journey.
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
Absolutely. And it’s so important. You know, one of the things that we’ve said time and time again is that everybody’s experience is different. You know, everybody’s journey with chronic illness, loss of life and grief, it’s all different. You know, there’s no one way to support someone who’s going through this. And when we talk about grief during the holidays, it may hit different for different people, especially if, you know, culturally holidays were like a staple, or did they lose their loved one during the holiday? So, you know, I thought that this was a befitting topic. I’m so thankful to have you here. But to start, can you explain how grief manifest during the holiday season?
Jennifer Ward:
Sure. So first, with grief, it’s a natural reaction to anything that you’ve lost. But especially around the holidays is where families are traditionally getting together, celebrating, the weather maybe looking differently depending on where you are. And so oftentimes you’re without your loved one. So oftentimes where you have to celebrate things like Thanksgiving when you have to celebrate things like Christmas, New Year’s and so when you’re without your loved one, it really manifests in a way, because you start to yearn along for the person that’s no longer with us. And so, it can manifest in like not being able to do traditions, not being able to, connect with people. And it can also manifest in ways where you’re trying to figure out your new normal around the holidays. And so, grief can come up right around these special days. There are also like special dates around the holidays that people have. And they really just come out
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
Understandable and what are some common reactions or feelings people might experience during the holidays when they’re grieving?
Jennifer Ward:
Oftentimes you see things like anger. You’ll see things like sadness. You may see people isolate, being isolated or, saying that they’re lonely. You might, often hear, of a thing called forgetfulness. People don’t want forget dates. They forget, holidays. They forget doing things. Then it’s also sadness. Sadness is a really big one in terms of grief. People are often really sad. They’re feeling, despair. They’re feeling, like there’s no point or no direction. Especially around the holidays, because in the past, holidays meant everything for them and their loved one, and now they don’t have any of that to really to hone in on, to celebrate and to honor. So that’s a lot of the feelings that we see when people are grieving around the holidays.
Dr. Rachel Jordan
What coping strategies do you recommend for those who are grieving during the holidays?
Jennifer Ward:
One, I would just say be able to feel your feelings. That’s the first coping thing to accept where you are in terms of your grief. And sit with that, being able to sit with your feelings, but then also things like, remembering your person. So right around the holidays is a good time to do things like, make a memory box or go to their favorite place. I know people for Thanksgiving in particular, a lot of people like to go to certain restaurants and cook certain foods. So, they might do something like that. I also say grief does not have to be dark, so lighting a candle to honor the person, to memorialize the person. Things where you can just really remember your person. And then I also like to say mindfulness. Like doing things like meditation. That’s a good way to cope with your feelings, your grief, and to really get in touch with the pain that you might be experiencing around the holiday, the loneliness that you might be experiencing around the holidays. So yeah, that’s some things that people do to cope when they’re, going through grief, going through loss. Mourning the bereaved person in their life.
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
You mentioned, something very interesting was like that tradition of remembrance. So, like, you know, I lost my dad in 2000, and so I was a kid. But I know in my dad’s favorite meal is. So, for Father’s Day, you know, I make that favorite meal. My kids are like, I only get this meal once a year, and it’s so good. I’m like, you’re only going to get it once a year. But you know, that’s so important. That’s like a ritual to me. It makes me feel better. It makes me feel more connected because my dad died when I was a child, and now I can make this meal as an adult. So, you know, just those little things where I recognize where I am, I settle into it, you know, I sit with it and then I’ve come up with a tradition that makes me feel better and more connected to more of one. How can someone navigate social gatherings if they’re struggling with grief?
Jennifer Ward:
That’s a good one. One, I would say give yourself some grace. Give yourself some compassion. One thing we say as counselors is to make sure that you have a good support system. There are social events that you may want to if it’s going to be overwhelming and you know that are you’re going to have triggers that might not be the event to go to. Maybe you can just say, I don’t want to participate in that, or I also say bring a friend. You have your friends or your support systems to go with you if you have to go to a social gathering. I also say things like navigating, so also creating your own new normal. For instance, if the gathering is or the social event is at someone’s house, maybe invite people over to your house or, go to someone’s house where you feel safe or it’s not far away from where you are, so that you can feel like you have a sense of, what might be going on.
A part of knowing what’s going on is knowing your triggers. So, for instance, if it’s a loved one that was like a parent, maybe being around a lot of family members might not be, you know, that might be a trigger. You’ll start to recognize, okay, well, maybe I don’t want to be around, a lot of family or I don’t want to be around a lot of kids.
If my loss was a, a child or something like that. Recognizing your triggers, being able to hone in to your support system. Whether it’s your friends or your, your children or your partner or whatever it might be, making sure that you have your tribe of grief folks like, and they don’t have to necessarily be professional folks. But, when you’re navigating the holidays or social situations, definitely having people that you can say, this is what’s going on, I may not want to go to. This is it’s going to cost me too much anguish or issues. Or if you do decide that you want to go to the event, then you can say, okay, you know what?
I need you to support me. But then lastly, I would also say, if you know, you get to an event or a social gathering and it’s going to be too much, you might need to take a step away from the event, you might need to walk around, or you might just give yourself a, you know, 30 minutes, 15 minutes to enjoy the occasion and then know that when this 15 minutes or 30 minutes is over, that you can you you’ve done your, your mission in a sense, and then you can go home or, you know, reward yourself by, pouring back into yourself or just knowing that you can only take so much of social interaction or gathering and really just being able to, like, look into yourself and know what you can do in terms of your grief.
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
Yeah, sometimes, you know, I’ve heard family members or previous patients say sometimes they feel guilty, you know, going out to these events, especially when they’re much closer to the date of loss. Sure. Yeah. Right. And everything that you just said, you know, having your tribe, your support, recognizing your limits, they’re so important. And, and a lot of times you’ll have individuals who say, you know what, you just got to get out. But that may not be the solution, right? Understanding your triggers is very important. Absolutely. But when should someone consider seeking professional help during this time?
Jennifer Ward:
So usually, will. Your grief is causing, anguish to a point that you’re not getting daily things done, or you’re not able to practice self-care or you’re not, taking care of yourself, then I would say that’s when you need to get a professional involve, because one thing that’s for certain, you are not able to do grief alone. Grief is not something that you can do by yourself. And so typically when we see someone coming in there, they’re irritable. They’re not getting along with their family members. They’re really isolated. And or they just might, blow up. And if it’s really impacting where you are or you’re not able to feel your feelings or really engage with people outside of your loss, that’s definitely an indication that you need to come in and speak to a counselor or therapist, clinician to support you in your grief journey.
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
So, you know, so important because sometimes it’s very difficult to recognize grief when you’re going through it. And sometimes it may be that friend or coworker or, like a supervisor, a manager that says, you know, you really haven’t been yourself lately. You’ve missed some deadlines, you’ve been late to work, you haven’t showed up to a, you know, your kid’s game or something like that. Just to show that, you know, something is impacting you from being your usual self. It’s so important that you touched on that topic of when to reach out. Is there anything that you know that you want to add? This has been really helpful, for our listeners to understand how to navigate grief and loss, especially during the holiday. But do you have any final thoughts you want to share?
Jennifer Ward:
Sure. I would say that again, you cannot do grief alone. If you just want to talk to somebody, I think it’s good just to know who your people are. So, you know, sometimes you have family members that are your people, your tribe or your community. You have to, like, really know who’s going to be there to support you. But then also there are organizers, actions and support groups that are available to you. I want to make sure that people know that there are people who are also grieving there. There are online communities. There are places you can go into to get support. Grief is not something that you can do alone. And when we say grief, I want to make sure people understand that grief can could be any type of loss. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a death of a loved one. It could be a change of your situation. It could be a health condition. It could be a moving somewhere, could be like changing your relationship status. I want to make sure people know that any time that you feel like you need support or you’re not getting over something in grief is also individual.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. But it’s important to make sure that you have the supports for people who can walk you through your journey and support you at the same time. You’re going to have people who don’t get what you’re going through in terms of your grief. They may want you to get over it, they may not understand it, or we live in a society that’s very death. Avoid it. Make sure that you can you know that you can’t do grief alone. But more important that you have your support systems. Hospice of the Chesapeake has some wonderful, groups through the, in counselors, through the Chesapeake Life Center. So that’s an option that’s also available to people in the community. I want to just share that.
Dr. Rachel Jordan:
Absolutely. Well, for our listeners, thank you for tuning in. And Jennifer, thank you so much for coming with all of this insightful information.
We encourage you to visit our website at Hospicechesapeake.org to learn more about our Chesapeake Life Center and our other resources that you can employ to support you while you’re grieving during the holidays.
